Pick a Better Pope

The Catholic Church has been in the news lot lately because of the retirement of the pope. Unless you have been living under a rock you have heard the allegations. Priests are not the only pedophiles in religion, but they were the most protected in religion. Of course, this is not meant to imply that all priests are pedophiles, but the ones that are were given all the opportunity in the world to avoid prosecution. The Jehovah’s Witnesses have also had problems within their church with pedophilia. They also have a system that tends to protect them among other deviants like wife beaters, but nothing compares to the extreme measures the Vatican has taken to protect its image. Last week two people were debating celibacy on CNN. Someone implied that celibacy is the cause of pedophilia. This is why I generally do not like watching the news. They had two priests essentially arguing because conflict creates ratings. Nothing of substance is said. One priest was an advocate of celibacy. He correctly stated that not all celibate priests are pedophiles. Many of them are completely fulfilled being celibate, have a multitude of friends, and live happy lives. He was debating a former priest that left the church because he ended up having sex with a woman. This guy said the celibate policies of the church lure people like pedophiles and homosexuals into the church. According to the contrarian priest, there are a lot of homosexuals in the church and that the church should not be so against it since there are so many gay priests.

The vow of celibacy probably does attract people who feel guilty about their sexual proclivities. The vow of celibacy gives them the incentive to not act upon their urges. A gay man who feels ashamed of being gay has an out in the priesthood. Surely a gay celibate man can enter the kingdom of heaven. In fact they are more likely to enter the kingdom of heaven. The 144,000 people who will be sucked up into heaven during the rapture that Jehovah’s Witnesses always talk about are men who are undefiled by women according to Revelation 14:4 According to the scripture these celibate gays (if they are virgins) will be amongst the first to pass through the pearly gates.

We can give pedophiles the same benefit of the doubt. Celibacy is not causing pedophilia. I don’t think that all of these people go into the church with the intention of acting upon their urges. Pedophilia is a psychiatric disorder that causes certain people to be attracted to pre-pubescent children. There are pedophiles that are proactive and take medications to curb their sexual appetite, essentially turning them into medicated castrates. If someone has this psychiatric disorder, the best way to ensure the safety of innocent children is to make it ok for these people to come out of the closet and ask for help.

Unfortunately, we, as a society, hate these people more than any other group in America…no any other group in the world. Don’t misunderstand me, I hate these people as well especially if they act upon their abominable proclivities. Raping children is absolutely and diabolically wrong, but we must come up with better ways of preventing that then throwing people in jail who proactively seek out help.

Many of the pedophiles in the priesthood probably had the best of intentions like many of the gay priest.(insert the proverbial not that there is anything wrong with that) They felt that if they took the vow of celibacy they could suppress their sexual desires. If a gay priest decides that it is too much he can find plenty of other horny gay priests that will consent to getting his rocks off. According to official church doctrine, this is wrong, not because it’s homosexual but because it is a sexual activity outside the bonds of marriage. If a priest were to partake in such activities he risks eternal damnation, but at least it’s not rape! Due to the nature of pedophilia, however, consent can not be obtained. If a pedophile prays on a child, it is rape and the penalty is the same: Hellfire and brimstone. The penalty would be the same if he had consensual sex with a nun, masturbated, or maybe even decided to leave the church, get married and procure the occasional blow job. All of these acts are prohibited because you might orgasm your way into hell. According to the celibate popes throughout the ages, the only safe sex is sex in marriage that does not inhibit procreation. If you are married and want to have sex for pleasure you have to use the pre-approved birth control called natural family planning(A.K.A. the Rhythm Method.) Sure, they have recently made exceptions now saying that maybe condoms are a tad bit better than A.I.D.S. but this is a very recent development.

When it comes to any type of sex, the Clergy seem to be the least qualified to deal with the problems that may arise from it. Do you see why? I have decided to offer my expertise on the subject. I understand that sex is like poker, everyone thinks they are good at it, but that is not what I’m talking about. I enjoy sex, I read about it, I listen to the Savage Podcast. I am much more qualified to offer suggestions about sex than someone who has never had it.

Here is what they have done. In 1962 the Vatican issued a document called Crimen Sollicitationis. (the Crime of Solicitation) In this document. Anyone involved in a sex abuse investigation, the accuser and the accused “are to be restrained by perpetual silence…in all matters with all persons, under the penalty of excommunication.” The idea was that sexual indiscretions such as child rape would make the church look less than holy was more important than protecting innocent children. In case you’re wondering I found this out from Penn & Teller’s Bullshit. There is also an article in the New York Times that talks about this document (New York Times, 1 July 2010 ) The story gets worse. The document was issued by the Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith. In 1962, this was headed by Joseph Ratzinger. If the name sounds familiar it is because he has been in the news quite a bit lately, except he changed his name to Pope Benedict XVI. Once this information came out the pope made an apology to the victims of child abuse and people like the late Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins started a campaign to have him arrested. It obviously did not work and the story mostly went unnoticed. Now people are up in arms because Cardinal Roger Mahoney is going to be part of the Conclave. The damage is done and Mahoney says he forgives them for being mad at him or some other bullshit apology. "In recent days, I have been confronted in various places by very unhappy people. I could understand the depth of their anger and outrage…," he wrote. "Thanks to God's special grace, I simply stood there, asking God to bless and forgive them." What an asshole.

The writing is on the wall.

The plan to save the image of the church backfired. It is time to pick a better Pope. The new pope cannot use the threat of eternal damnation as a deterrent to pedophilia. It obviously does not work. Shipping priests to another diocese is after they ask for forgiveness is not the kind of cheek you want to turn either. Instead they need to offer real counseling to priests. If a priest does commit the heinous act of raping a child, he needs to be turned into the authorities and nothing should be done to obstruct justice. The church needs to be proactive in helping law enforcement prosecute pedophile priests who act upon their proclivities.

If a priest comes forward and says he is attracted to children, then he needs to be treated. In Mathew 19:10 Jesus was asked if it is better not to marry since divorce is wrong. Jesus basically gave the answer that yes it is better not to marry. He basically said offers the solution of castration to avoid hellfire and brimstone.

Mathew 19:12 “For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.” With the technology that is available today we do not have to literally castrate people, but we can just medicate them. Surely if it is good enough to prevent marriage that may lead to divorce that is just as bad as adultery, it is a viable option for preventing children from getting raped. One would think the future Pontiff would be able to deduce this on his own since they have so much time on their hands to actually read the bible…you know because they are not wasting time trying to get laid.